Manja a mtanda wanga -chapter I

Epulo 20, 1969. Tsiku lobadwa langa makumi asanu ndi atatu

Lero ndili ndi zaka makumi asanu ndi atatu.

Ngakhale sichingakhale chotetezera machimo anga owopsa, nditha kunena kuti sindilinso chimodzimodzi, kuyambira ndi dzina langa. Dzina langa ndi Friedrich Strauss tsopano.

Komanso sindimayerekezera kuthawa chilungamo chilichonse, sindingathe. Ndimakhala ndikulipira chikumbumtima changa tsiku lililonse. "Kulimbana kwanga”Unali umboni wolembedwa wokhudzidwa kwanga pamene tsopano ndikuyesera kuzindikira zomwe zatsala nditadzuka kowawa ndikutsutsidwa.

Ngongole yanga ku chilungamo cha anthu sizingakhale zomveka kuti nditenge kuchokera kumafupa akale awa. Ndikadadzilola ndekha kudyedwa ndi ozunzidwawo ndikadadziwa kuti amachepetsa ululuwo, kuwawa kwakukuluko ndikukhazikika, okalamba, okhazikika, kumamatira kumoyo watsiku ndi tsiku wa amayi, abambo, ana, matauni onse omwe chinthu chabwino chikadakhala ndikadapanda kubadwa.

Sindikudziwa ngati ndiyenera kubadwa, koma m'mawa uliwonse ndikadzuka ndimaganiziranso lingaliro loti chinthu choyenera kuchita ndikadakhala kuti ndikudzipha munyumba yogona. Ndinali ndi mwayi wofera nthawi yomweyo ndipo sindinatengeke ndi mphindi iliyonse yamtsogolo yomwe tsoka limafuna kundipatsa.

Ndipo tsogolo likuwoneka kuti latenga chilungamo chake, zaka zonsezi zimakhala ndi masiku akumva kuwawa, mphindi zochepa zomwe zidakumbukiridwa m'mbuyomu zokhala ndimakumbukiro oopsa, masekondi olumikizidwa ndi kuwawa kosalekeza kodziwa kuti ndakhala m'modzi mwa anthu onyansa kwambiri. .

Ndimangodzitonthoza pokha poganiza kuti mantha omwe amapangitsa zonsezi akanandipulumuka, nthawi zonse anali pamenepo. Inali mbalame yonyansa komanso yowopsa yomwe idawuluka ku Europe kufunafuna mtsogoleri watsopano woti azikhalira. Anandipeza, ndipo apezanso ena mtsogolo, kontinenti iliyonse, kwinakwake.

Ponena za izi, moyo wanga wina, zonsezi zidayamba pa Epulo 19, 1945, kutatsala tsiku limodzi kuti Red Army izinge Berlin. Martin Bormann, mlembi wanga, adatsimikizira zomwe timayembekezera kale, kuchoka kwanga mdziko muno kuvomerezedwa ndikukonzedwa. Ndikuganiza kuti chipani cha Nazi chikayembekeza kuti cholinga changa, chomwe tikufuna, chidzayambiranso pansi pa mkono wachitsulo womwe watambasulidwa munthawi yoyenera, zaka pambuyo pake komanso kulikonse.

Othandizira omwe adagwirizana nawo omwe adatigonjetsa, amaganiza kuti ndipulumuka moyo wanga utasowa dzina langa, mphamvu yanga, ndikukhala pafupifupi wazaka makumi asanu ndi limodzi, posinthana ndi zida zankhondo zamakono zankhondo yathu. Zowonadi zamkati zimabwera pamtengo wokwera kwa iwo.

Zokayikitsa zomwe zidandichitikira atabadwa zidabadwira ku Soviet Union ndipo zidangoyang'ana ku United States. Mgwirizano wokakamiza komanso wosasangalatsa wamphamvu zotsutsana kuti alandire Ulamuliro Wachitatu sunayimire zabwino zilizonse.

Kusakhulupirika kunayamba pamsonkhano wa ku Potsdam pa Julayi 17 chaka chomwecho 1945. Pamsonkhano womwewo wa akuba, Churchill, wachifwamba womaliza ku England, adangodutsa kuti atenge gawo la ufumu wake; Stalin anali wotsimikiza kuti ndithawa; ndipo Truman adabisala kuti adalimbikitsa.

American OSS yemwe adamutsogolera Roosevelt adapatsidwa mwayi ndi a Truman pambuyo pake ndikuwakhazikitsa ngati bungwe lazamalamulo ku US, potengera dzina la CIA. Purezidenti aliyense watsopano wa Yankee adapangidwa kuti amvetsetse, mwanjira yabwino kwambiri, kufunikira kwa magulu anzeru okhala ndi blanche yamakalata pantchito yawo. Mulungu akudziwa zomwe bungweli likufufuza lero.

Poyamba, pa Meyi 2, 1945, pomwe a Soviet adalowa mu Chancellery, adakhutira ndi kuzindikira matupi omwe pamapeto pake adawotchedwanso, omwe amati ndi a Eva ndi anga. Kuzindikiritsa mano komwe tidakonza, mothandizidwa ndi kuyang'aniridwa ndi OSS, kunagwira, koma kwakanthawi kochepa.

Ofufuza aku Soviet Union adasanthula madokotala anga kuti atsimikizire kuti thupi langa ndi ndani. Kwa iwo, odziwa zambiri komanso okhwima kuposa atsogoleri ankhondo omwe adalowa koyamba, zinali zokayikitsa momwe timasamalirira kuwononga mafayilo ndi katundu wathu ku Chancellery konse, kupatula pakufunsidwa ndi azachipatala komwe maumboni adawonekera.

Mnyamata wa OSS yemwe adandichezera m'masiku oyamba nditathawa, komanso yemwe adatsimikizira zomwe tidagulitsa kwa iwo ngati chitsimikiziro cha malonda pambuyo pake, amandithandizanso kudziwa zonse. Adakondwera pondiuza zakufunsidwa kosatheka kwa a Reds, monga ananenera.

Chifukwa chake patatha masiku angapo titagonjetsedwa, pa Julayi 17, 1945, pomwe ogwirizana omwe akukakamizidwa adakhala ku Potsdam kuyambitsa zokambirana ndi cholinga chofuna kuyang'anira Germany, Stalin, ndi mtsogoleri wawo wankhanza wopondereza, adati: "Hitler ali moyo, wathawira ku Spain kapena Argentina ”. Ndi mawuwo nkhondo yozizira idayambadi.

Mtumiki wa OSS adati asadandaule ndikufufuza. Asitikali aku America anali akugwirizana kwathunthu ndi a Soviet, kuzunza mboni, kukoka ulusi wazotheka kuthawa ndikuutaya kwathunthu.

Umu ndi momwe ndidamvetsetsa kuti American OSS idapita yokha, osadalira gulu lankhondo ladziko lawo, pamwambapa, apurezidenti amtsogolo komanso amtsogolo. Iwo, a OSS adasamalira chidziwitso chenicheni ndikuchita koposa zonse.

Zaka makumi awiri mphambu ziwiri pambuyo pake, kupatula gawo lazachuma lomwe silimatha kufika, sindikudziwanso chilichonse chokhudza anthu ochokera ku OSS, za kukhazikitsidwa kwawo monga CIA, kapena za aliyense. Ndikuganiza kuti angodikirira kuti imfa yachilengedwe iyambe kundipeza yomwe siimadzutsa kukaikira konse.

Sindikudziwa, sindingadziike m'mavuto a anyamata omwe akusuntha dziko lero. Nthawi zonse ndimakhala munthu wotchuka, wotsalira ndi chilombocho. Mwinanso ndizochulukirapo ndipo zopanda chilungamo zambiri zomwe zikuchitika masiku ano zimapangidwa m'maofesi awo, pomwe dzikoli limasungika mosakhazikika. Amawongolera mantha akale aja omwe tsiku lina adanditenga, chida chogonjetsera chifuniro cha anthu ambiri.

Anzanga omwe akufuna kupulumutsidwa ali ndi mwayi, sagawana nawo mayesero anga akuya. Kwa iwo, zakale zomwe zimawabwezeranso zimakhala pamwamba paubwana wonse. Ziyenera kukhala kuti kufanana pakati pa masiku oyamba ndi omaliza a munthu sikuwonetsedwa kokha pakulephera kuwongolera ma sphincters komanso matenda amanjenje. Ndi matewera awo atsopano odana ndi kutayikira komanso madontho awo omalizira omaliza, iwowo, anzanga akale, amabwerera ku paradaiso wokhawo: ubwana.

Koma moyo wanga wakale sindiwo moyo wamba womwe ndikulakalaka ndikadakhala nawo. Chilichonse, ngakhale ubwana wanga, chimaphimbidwa ndi chofiira ndi choyera cha mbendera, komanso ndikudutsa pamtanda pomwe, sindikudziwa, ndidakwanitsa kudzikhomera ndekha mwaufulu wanga.

Ndikungodziwa kuti ikubwera nthawi yomwe zakale zimadzichokera zokha, mpaka zidzakhale pano. Tsopano zonse zomwe ndidakumana nazo zimandiyenderanso, monga woimira boma pamlandu yemwe wakwanitsa kundiimba mlandu wakupha anthu onse, ndi chigamulo chomaliza komanso chothandiza kwambiri chokhudza kufa kwanga.

Kwa okalamba onga ine, moyo umakhala mphindi yayifupi, "lero ndichedwa kwambiri ndipo mawa sindikhala ndi nthawi." Kuyambira masiku angapo apitawo kanemayo adatulutsidwa 2001: malo odyssey, Ndapeza kufanana kwatsopano pakati paukalamba wopanda chiyembekezo wa aliyense wa ife ndi zochitika zomaliza za wokayenda pamlengalenga yemwe wasweka pakati pa moyo, imfa ndi umuyaya mchipinda chosungulumwa komanso chowala cha m'zaka za zana lachisanu ndi chitatu, atanyamulidwa kupita kumalo ena m'malo osakhalitsa . Kusiyana kokha ndikuti chipinda changa chimakhala chotsika kwambiri, osachepera mita 15, kuphatikiza bafa lamkati lomwe lilibe chitseko kuti agogo asamapange phokoso nthawi yomwe timakodza usiku.

Zaka makumi atatu zapitazo, mu 1939 pomwe ndidakwanitsa zaka makumi asanu, ndidalengeza tchuthi ku Germany. Ndimakhala ndi ziphuphu ndikakumbukira zaulemu wanga kudzera mwa Ost-West Achse, bingu lamabingu komanso lowopsa la asitikali, zikwangwani za Nazi kudera lonse la East-West mzindawu.

Koma pakhungu langa pakali pano ndikumanjenjemera, vertigo. Ndikuganiza kuti ego yanga idagunda padengapo. Vuto ndiloti adakhala zaka zingapo.

Munthu samapangidwira ulemerero. Vutoli lili kwa Agiriki, omwe adadzutsa Kumadzulo kulingalira kuti mtundu wa milungu ilowa padzikoli. Don Quixote yekha ndi amene adatipatsa kuwala kutipangitsa kuti tiwone kuti ndife openga poganiza kuti timakhala amoyo osocheretsa.

Komabe, ngati zingagwiritsidwe ntchito, pepani.

Tsopano mutha kugula The Arms of My Cross, buku lolemba Juan Herranz, Pano: